I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
