I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
