Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
