Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was born a porn star she said
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
