I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
