How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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