she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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