I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
