@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
