he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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