kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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