good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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