I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
