There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
