I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
