I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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