why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
