Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
