i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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