You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
