Your tits are I can't wait for
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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