Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
