i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
