If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
