Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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