Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
