i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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