My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
