Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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