You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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