shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
