I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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