I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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