he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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