is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
