So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
