the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
