Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
