it wasn't lemon gatorade
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
