Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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