Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
