I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need to calm my uterus...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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