my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
