if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
