All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
