Sry I called you an 8
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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