i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
