Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
