i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We are all done wearing pants today
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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