Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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