no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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