Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
